Paperback 261 pages (May 4, 2004) – Publisher: HarperCollins Entertainment

Hot on the heels of Stephen Sommers preposterous but strangely entertaining hokum Van Helsing comes the officially “Novelization” of the film. Expectations are normally not high for the lucrative tie-in market but Van Helsing surprises by managing to precede expectations in almost every sense. Having trouble keeping your sentences down to a manageable length? The solution is obvious. When you think about it. Just chop them up. Into little ones. Or how about these great ideas for dramatic emphasis?

Floating four word paragraphs.

Inexplicable mid sentence multiple periods… to… break the flow. Or that popular last ditch hope, [I] italics [/I]. Littered with half-baked lifts from the Vatican Lonely Planet guide, meaningless phrases, poor paced action and an appallingly snide streak of anti-French xenophobia this is a tired, limp, cash-in. Tree’s died for this rubbish. Unforgivable.